Root: the basic cause, source, or origin of something.
This word came to mind yesterday mainly because of my need for an untimely root canal. I know, root canals are never timely. Now, the root cause of mine is bit of my stubbornness followed closely with a side of never putting "me" first. I am a mom, educator and entrepreneur and the needs of others come way before my own, like many of you taking the time to read this; but, I am turning the root canal into a positive by thinking about the "root cause" in other aspects of life.
First and foremost - I continue to be punished for another's unhappiness. The root of this individual's problems are just that - the individual's problems. After you finally own your own issues and you are able to have an unbiased view you realize that you are blamed for the "root" but in all actuality it is the other person's ill attempt to hide their unhappiness. What makes me sit back and shake my head is this human did this all on their own. They chose this, they chose their path, they continue to choose things that have only lead to their own continued demise and unhappiness. But, sadly, this person's goal in life is to try to make me as miserable as they are. I've navigated this world for far too many years and to watch this human I once knew take this path is tough, but again, until the root is healed and dealt with their will be no relief for me or them. I know the cause of their bitterness and unhappiness, I know the source, and I know the origin. Each one of these is owned by a human who was never held accountable for their behaviors and has allowed others to "own" his/her shortcomings and continues to do so. Unfortunately, this person's happiness and/or unhappiness is solely determined by me and the happier I am the more I am punished. If only, they could realize, they will never be happy until they are happy with themselves and in the end I have zero to do with that now and never will. I will not compromise my happiness for them as it is not fair to anyone in my life who is there for the right reasons.
At this point you may believe I am being vague, but a name does not matter, what matters are the behaviors and mostly this humans' inability to own them.
Sadly, it will always be me. I will always be the target of this human's continued unhappiness, and being the "bigger and better" person does get tiring, but because I have so many other humans in my life who deserve a better me, I will continue to be that person and in turn "root" for them.
Root: to hope for the success of (someone or something)
What/who is the root of your happiness? Your unhappiness?
I will continue to root for what is right for every single person who deserves that from me. I will continue to root for my family and friends and for those who have stood by me when I didn't own what/who was causing my unhappiness. Little did I know, it was ME doing all of that.
To my Riley and Logan: I will always "root" for both of you daily no matter if you are with me or not. My sweet boys you are my reason, my smiles, my keep going, my lets stay "rooted" as a mom, the most important title I go by.
And, a huge thank you to each person this week who reminded me that my "roots" do matter, being a daughter matters, a friend, a sister, a colleague, being a DANCA matters, and I think I missed a few, but most importantly a huge reminder to myself that I matter too.
My hope today was for my boys to always know how much I adore them. I actually don't doubt that they know that, oddly enough, I was second guessing myself because of another's unhappiness, the unhappiness they desperately try to pin on me.
In closing, a reminder we can all use from time to time:
"Being happy is very personal and really has nothing to do with anyone else."