"Beneath your burdensome regrets and who you think you are through the lens of past mistakes, there is someone beautiful who wants to emerge. You are not your mistakes and your mistakes are not you. You are so much more than your mistakes. Allow your truth to emerge. Your truth cannot emerge buried under a mountain of guilt and regret. Your past is like a bag of bricks; set it down and walk away. Quit collecting every painful word, memory and mistake. Collect hope. Hope is lighter." — Bryant McGill
My truth is it has taken many years for me to establish even the thought that a beautiful person does exist in spite of mistakes, guilt and regret I have had over decisions I have made or how others have treated me.
I have set down the "bag of bricks" and walked away. It was hard to do and often times on Wednesdays it is even harder to not return to my "past" because every Wednesday the boys go their other home. This makes it crucial for me to not pick that "bag of bricks" up again. I'm a work in progress, but I know the ranch provided a great foundation for me to finally embrace the person behind the success of this business, reclaim self esteem and see beauty.
However, there are so many more people than me behind this business and this past week my family/friends made one of the best additions to the ranch - a new deck. This addition will provide a large outside space to take in your morning coffee, grill your dinner, watch the sun as it sets on the bluff, listen to the creek and so much more. It's a deck; yes, that is is materialistic, but it's a deck which will provide so many individuals a space to make memories, including my own family. I sat on the deck steps and tears of happiness and accomplishment rolled down my face last night. Happy it is finally done, happy for what it will provide, happy for the time it provided for my sons and nephew to work with and learn from their grandpa and grandma - accomplished because the holes are finally
dug/done (ROCKS....), accomplished because it has been on the "ranchtivities" list for years, and accomplished because now the ranch is simply us; simply has the "Jolene and boys" touch on it completely.
"It's not so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs." W.S Gilbert
Look at those two on those benches. I have to pinch myself sometimes as a reminder of how incredibly fortunate I am to call them mine. They understand a small business beyond what I can even explain to you. They both said in so many words, "this is such an awesome table, our guests are going to love it and it was time for a new one mom." Again, not about new necessarily, but my mind always says, what more does the ranch need? And, to top it off it is made out of barn wood. River City Reclaimed outdid themselves. When it was dropped off last night, the designer/builder/owner of the company said, "I wanted this table to impress you so much because you were such an easy customer to work with." Well, he outdid himself....the pictures do not do it justice you will just have to come see for yourself. I am so excited to see people sitting at this perfectly designed "ranch" appropriate table and make memories, as one of the ranch signs says "Memories, they are made around the table."
The ranch has it's busiest summer ever ahead of it. I am hopeful that the new additions provide my guests spaces to make memories for years to come.
The two additional spaces will also provide me with spaces to go to when I sink down and head to pick up the bag of bricks and quite simply have to remind myself.....
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."