Perception and Reality
"Your perception may not be my reality."
I have been thinking about this a lot lately in my personal and professional life.
When new people come to see my home/my business I am often times nervous because of what I believe they perceive. Many thoughts - my own perceptions of what they will think/believe rush through my mind. "She has it made." "Look at her house/the ranch/the land." "Must be nice to have this." Sometimes those are my perceptions of what people are thinking; other times it is the reality of what is said to me and/or about me.
"I work hard. I pay my bills. I maintain myself. I'm independent. When you see me know that's all me, I am not kept, I do the keeping."
Reality - Up until a year ago I worked three jobs to maintain the ranch. Sometimes I've had to call the power company and make "payments" to them, but I have always found a way. My parents did a fantastic job of instilling "work ethic" into me and I have made it a point to not disappoint them or my two little boys - I work hard.
Maintain myself - I do my best. I am often times asked if I am a runner. No, but I do put on up to five miles a day walking the dog, working, maintaining the ranch, being a mom, etc. If there is one thing I wish I had more time for it would be maintaining myself, but my reality is I just do not have the time for the gym or working out that I do wish I had in my life again. It is way more of an emotional need for me than, "looking good." I have even sacrificed many of my volleyball nights to make sure the ranch/work/the boys are taken care of.
Independent - some might say at times stubborn. It is hard for me to ask for help. I take care of the ranch financially on my own. Aesthetically, I've had to ask for help. Don't get me wrong, I have taught myself how to change faucets, I've moved beds up flights of steps on my head, but I've had to break down and ask for help. I have people willing to help; I make a "mantivities" list every time my dad is in town, but there are times I do sit and tears roll down my face because asking for help isn't something I take lightly or enjoy doing, but the reality is "I cannot fix everything."
"Your perception may not be my reality."
Reality - This morning I sent Riley and Logan off to their second to the last day of school, but their last morning at moms, which is why I took the obligatory last day of school picture. Please know that sometimes behind the smile, I hide tears. Sometimes when they walk out the door I walk back in because I don't want them to see the tears. The "reality" is I miss them and sometimes that missing feels like I physically hurt. I miss the moments with them: the "little ones," the "lasts," the "firsts," and the "in-betweens." Reality is the "missing" continues to make me value the "moments" I do get with them and all of the "memories" we have made and will continue to make.
I will leave you again with something we should all keep in mind:
"Your perception may not be my reality."
